Journey of the Self - by Ruth Poniarski (Paperback)

About the Book

"Ruth Poniarski set out to find the ideal friend and the perfect mate, but what she encountered were spells of paranoia, extreme anxiety, and hallucinations. Trying to navigate her cyclic malady, she undertook a rigorous architectural program in search of her passion. What she discovered on her journey is captured ... in this unflinchingly honest memoir"--Back cover.

Book Synopsis

Ruth Poniarski set out to find the ideal friend and the perfect mate, but what she encountered were spells of paranoia, extreme anxiety, and hallucinations. Trying to navigate her cyclic malady, she undertook a rigorous architectural program in search of her passion. What she discovered on her journey is captured brilliantly in this unflinchingly honest memoir.

Review Quotes

A young woman struggles to find her place in the world while also grappling with her mental health in this debut memoir.

After Poniarski inadvertently consumed PCP at a college party, she found herself consumed by the notion of an incoherent conspiracy involving socialists and alien craft-which she continued to have after the drug wore off. "My brain fed me lies," she says of the experience, which caused her parents to put her under the care of a psychiatrist for the first time. Her memoir continues from this moment, recounting her tumultuous 20s during the late 1970s and early '80s in New York City. Poniarski struggled to finish an architecture degree as she bounced from one program to another, unable to successfully finish courses and fearful that her peers might learn of her "psychotic side." In a similar manner, she shuttled between her parents' home on Long Island and apartments in Manhattan, her independence constantly jeopardized by paranoid thoughts and mistrust of roommates and friends. Most poignant, however, is Poniarski's account of search for a suitable romantic partner. As she struggles with shame about her sexual feelings, she finds herself drawn to various lovers who each reject her, which only fuels her desire to break out of a lonely existence. Poniarski tells a story with heavy themes, but her prose remains graceful throughout. As she recounts outrageous thoughts and actions, she does so in a manner that not only gets across her distorted view of reality, but also the very real emotions she felt; at one point, for instance, she tells of slapping a man on an airplane after falsely thinking that he was making fun of her. In her fractured accounts of exchanges with colleagues, friends, and lovers, Poniarski also offers clever insights into sexism, the high expectations of her affluent Jewish community, and changing attitudes toward mental health.

-Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

"Journey of the Self: Memoir of an Artist is an inspirational lesson plan for others who battle mental illness. In the course of a journey to discover who she truly is, Poniarski provides insights not just into self-realization, but assessing and handling doctors and medical systems that can either enhance or thwart the pursuit of peace and happiness. Readers interested in personal stories of mental illness and recovery will find much food for thought in Poniarski's survey of her condition, her relationships, and the medical system that she navigates, and will find Journey of the Self a satisfying memoir with a happy ending."

-D. Donovan (Midwest Book Review)