I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki - by Baek Sehee (Hardcover)

About the Book

Book Synopsis

The New York Times bestselling therapy memoir translated by International Booker shortlistee Anton Hur.

PSYCHIATRIST: So how can I help you?

ME: I don't know, I'm-what's the word-depressed? Do I have to go into detail?

Baek Sehee is a successful young social media director at a publishing house when she begins seeing a psychiatrist about her-what to call it?-depression? She feels persistently low, anxious, endlessly self-doubting, but also highly judgmental of others. She hides her feelings well at work, but the effort is exhausting, overwhelming, and keeps her from forming deep relationships. This can't be normal. But if she's so hopeless, why can she always summon a desire for her favorite street food: the hot, spicy rice cake, tteokbokki? Is this just what life is like?

Recording her dialogues with her psychiatrist over a twelve-week period, and expanding on each session with her own reflective micro-essays, Baek begins to disentangle the harmful behaviors that keep her locked in a cycle of self-abuse. Part memoir, part self-help book, I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is the first book in a duology to keep close and to reach for in times of darkness.

Review Quotes

"At once personal and universal, this book is about finding a path to awareness, understanding, and wisdom." --Kirkus Reviews

"Honest and authentic throughout . . . A sincere attempt at self-discovery that will resonate with young people who suffer from similar forms of depression and anxiety." --Library Journal

"Candid . . . heartfelt . . . Sehee's mission to normalize conversation about mental illness is an admirable one." --Publishers Weekly

"A testament to the gradual nature of therapy's cumulative healing effects, I Want to Die should resonate with anyone who eagerly transcribes every nugget of advice they get." --Buzzfeed

"Earnest . . . clever . . . [Baek Sehee] uses months of (real) transcripts from her therapy sessions to explore her own depression and anxiety, always tiptoeing toward something like self-awareness." --Chicago Tribune

"An eye-opening view into a person's most vulnerable moments in a new way." --Cosmopolitan

"With candor and humor, Baek offers readers and herself resonant moments of empathy." --Booklist

"I like that this book's conversations don't follow a conventional narrative arc from conflict to redemption. Baek doesn't stand on a pedestal purporting to have found all the answers . . . Ultimately, there are no shiny promises that Baek will keep getting better; I appreciate her bravery to admit this to readers." --Electric Lit

"For readers feeling a little icy around the edges, [Sehee's] memoir promises to defrost." --Wired.com

"[I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki] is a therapeutic salve . . . Sehee's memoir is a connective tissue for all of us looking for a silver lining." --PopSugar

"Compelling . . . there is a fascination being inside the counseling room with [Sehee]. We feel we are a party to a sacred realm and find ourselves drawn to her testimony; mesmerized by her ability to keep thwarting herself from getting better. And we want her to get better." --Books & Film Globe

"If you've ever felt exhausted and anxious by performing well-being, this is a book for you." --Ms. Magazine

"This book will comfort anyone who's ever been depressed, anxious, or just frustrated with themselves." --Real Simple

"Baek Sehee ingeniously combines elements of memoir and self-help . . . She offers an intimate look into one patient's experience in therapy and her own analysis of and takeaways from those sessions . . . Everyone is just trying to be as okay as possible, after all-and seeing Sehee's processing of that in I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is sure to make readers feel a little less alone in their own attempts." --Shelf Awareness

"An intimate examination of the deep impact that mental health can have on one's life . . . I read both of Baek Sehee's books back to back, and from my perspective, they're two parts of a whole. To fully understand Baek Sehee's reckoning with her mental health, you have to read both memoirs." --Book Riot

About the Author

Baek Sehee (1990-2025) was born in Goyang, South Korea and studied creative writing at Dongguk University in Seoul before working for five years in publishing. For ten years, she received psychiatric treatment for persistent depressive disorder, which became the subject of her essays, and then her memoirs I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki, books one and two, which have been translated into more than twenty-five languages.

Anton Hur was born in Stockholm, Sweden. He is the author of No One Told Me Not To and the novel Toward Eternity. His translations include Bora Chung's Cursed Bunny, which was shortlisted for the International Booker Prize and a finalist for the National Book Award.