I Don't Do Disability and Other Lies I've Told Myself - by Adelle Purdham Paperback

About the Book

"A raw and intimate portrait of family, love, life, relationships, and disability parenting through the eyes of a mother to a daughter with Down syndrome. With the arrival of her daughter with Down syndrome, Adelle Purdham began unpacking a lifetime of her own ableism. In a society where people with disabilities remain largely invisible, what does it mean to parent such a child? And simultaneously, what does it mean as a mother, a writer, and a woman to truly be seen? The candid essays in I Don't Do Disability and Other Lies I've Told Myself glimmer with humanity and passion, and explore ideas of motherhood, disability, and worth. Purdham delves into grief, rage, injustice, privilege, female friendship, marriage, and desire in a voice that is loudly empathetic, unapologetic, and true. While examining the dichotomies inside of herself, she leads us to consider the flaws in society, showing us the beauty, resilience, chaos, and wild within us all."--

Book Synopsis

"A tender, beautifully written essay collection that is about so much more than parenting a child with a disability." - Erin Pepler, author of Send Me Into The Woods Alone

A raw and intimate portrait of family, love, life, relationships, and disability parenting through the eyes of a mother to a daughter with Down syndrome.

With the arrival of her daughter with Down syndrome, Adelle Purdham began unpacking a lifetime of her own ableism.

In a society where people with disabilities remain largely invisible, what does it mean to parent such a child? And simultaneously, what does it mean as a mother, a writer, and a woman to truly be seen?

The candid essays in I Don't Do Disability and Other Lies I've Told Myself glimmer with humanity and passion, and explore ideas of motherhood, disability, and worth. Purdham delves into grief, rage, injustice, privilege, female friendship, marriage, and desire in a voice that is loudly empathetic, unapologetic, and true. While examining the dichotomies inside of herself, she leads us to consider the flaws in society, showing us the beauty, resilience, chaos, and wild within us all.

Review Quotes

I loved riding shotgun with Purdham's kind, funny, and unflinchingly sharp observations. This book is a vehicle of expansion.

One of Purdham's greatest strengths is her keen eye for detail and a lovely turn of phrase, a style which imbues these pieces with a quiet intimacy akin to mid-20th century American storywriters like John Cheever and Ann Beattie.

A beautifully intimate blend of personal narrative, cultural critique, and sharp-eyed social commentary on disability and motherhood, this stirring debut is lyrical, heartfelt, and uncomfortably honest. Adelle Purdham, with uncanny precision, cuts our heart strings and dissects our minds with her archeological approach to excavating life's difficult truths. I Don't Do Disability and Other Lies I've Told Myself is a riveting collection of essays that will deeply resonate with readers.

A marvel of tenderness and ferocity. The voice of these essays is that of a devoted parent, a tireless advocate, and a generous thinker. Every line is shaped by Purdham's powerful sense of integrity: her insistence on seeing things for exactly what they are and her willingness to imagine what they might one day become.

A staggering examination of privilege and ableism [and] a profound testament to how our children teach us more than we'll ever teach them. A must-read.

A tender, beautifully written essay collection that is about so much more than parenting a child with a disability.

A welcome addition to disability literature in Canada.

An extraordinary memoir that takes us on an arduous journey of heartbreak and evolving new ways of perceiving love - even meaning, itself.

At its heart, I Don't Do Disability And Other Lies I've Told Myself is a story about creativity and love, the essential ingredients necessary to harness the wildness and the wonder of our world, and, in Purdham's case, to face down inherent ableism, both in herself and others. Purdham shows us that disability is life, and she illustrates this with fierce veracity and through intensely readable prose, writing with a wisdom and clarity that comes from great self-reflection and research, but also via the simple act of living.

At once heartbreakingly honest and defiantly joyful, I Don't Do Disability and Other Lies I've Told Myself is a poetic tribute to the relationships that have shaped Adelle, her family, and their experiences with Down syndrome. Beautiful, deliberate, and thought provoking.

Beautiful and moving.

In essays both raw and daring, Adelle Purdham takes a hard look at what it is to be a wife and mother deeply in love with her family and the life she's made with them, without losing herself in the melee. From a fractious walk home from school with her children to a late night skinny dip with a friend, these essays are about moments that transcend the everyday and give us, one glimpse at a time, a sense of a larger whole.

Purdham's fearless honesty and vulnerability fills these pages with magic. This is a stunning debut.

Searching, intimate, and above all, honest, these essays about friendship, marriage, parenting, disability, and the risks and joys of a writing life reverberate, nourish, challenge, and shine.

The true power in this memoir comes from the emotion and the journey that Purdham shares as a mother and often well-intentioned advocate - but one who is conscious of how she's evolved over time - the writing in this is very smooth and beautiful.

I loved riding shotgun with Purdham's kind, funny, and unflinchingly sharp observations. This book is a vehicle of expansion.

-- "Cooper Lee Bombardier, author of Pass with Care"

One of Purdham's greatest strengths is her keen eye for detail and a lovely turn of phrase, a style which imbues these pieces with a quiet intimacy akin to mid-20th century American storywriters like John Cheever and Ann Beattie.

-- "Hamilton Review of Books"

A beautifully intimate blend of personal narrative, cultural critique, and sharp-eyed social commentary on disability and motherhood, this stirring debut is lyrical, heartfelt, and uncomfortably honest. Adelle Purdham, with uncanny precision, cuts our heart strings and dissects our minds with her archeological approach to excavating life's difficult truths. I Don't Do Disability and Other Lies I've Told Myself is a riveting collection of essays that will deeply resonate with readers.-- "Lindsay Wong, author of The Woo-Woo"

A marvel of tenderness and ferocity. The voice of these essays is that of a devoted parent, a tireless advocate, and a generous thinker. Every line is shaped by Purdham's powerful sense of integrity: her insistence on seeing things for exactly what they are and her willingness to imagine what they might one day become.-- "Mandy Len Catron, author of How to Fall in Love with Anyone: A Memoir in Essays"

A staggering examination of privilege and ableism [and] a profound testament to how our children teach us more than we'll ever teach them. A must-read.-- "Hollay Ghadery, author of Fuse"

A tender, beautifully written essay collection that is about so much more than parenting a child with a disability.-- "Erin Pepler, author of Send Me Into The Woods Alone"

A welcome addition to disability literature in Canada.-- "Dorothy Ellen Palmer, disability activist and author of Falling for Myself"

An extraordinary memoir that takes us on an arduous journey of heartbreak and evolving new ways of perceiving love -- even meaning, itself.-- "Betsy Warland, author of Breathing the Page"

At its heart, I Don't Do Disability And Other Lies I've Told Myself is a story about creativity and love, the essential ingredients necessary to harness the wildness and the wonder of our world, and, in Purdham's case, to face down inherent ableism, both in herself and others. Purdham shows us that disability is life, and she illustrates this with fierce veracity and through intensely readable prose, writing with a wisdom and clarity that comes from great self-reflection and research, but also via the simple act of living.-- "Emily Urquhart, author of Ordinary Wonder Tales"

At once heartbreakingly honest and defiantly joyful, I Don't Do Disability and Other Lies I've Told Myself is a poetic tribute to the relationships that have shaped Adelle, her family, and their experiences with Down syndrome. Beautiful, deliberate, and thought provoking.-- "Jen Sookfong Lee, author of Superfan"

Beautiful and moving.-- "Ayelet Tsabari, author of The Art of Leaving"

In essays both raw and daring, Adelle Purdham takes a hard look at what it is to be a wife and mother deeply in love with her family and the life she's made with them, without losing herself in the melee. From a fractious walk home from school with her children to a late night skinny dip with a friend, these essays are about moments that transcend the everyday and give us, one glimpse at a time, a sense of a larger whole.-- "Jane Silcott, author of Love Me True"

Purdham's fearless honesty and vulnerability fills these pages with magic. This is a stunning debut.-- "Christina Myers, author of The List of Last Chances"

Searching, intimate, and above all, honest, these essays about friendship, marriage, parenting, disability, and the risks and joys of a writing life reverberate, nourish, challenge, and shine.-- "Susan Olding, author of Big Reader"

The true power in this memoir comes from the emotion and the journey that Purdham shares as a mother and often well-intentioned advocate -- but one who is conscious of how she's evolved over time -- the writing in this is very smooth and beautiful.-- "The Miramichi Reader"

About the Author

Adelle Purdham is a writer, educator, and parent disability advocate. She holds an MFA in Creative Nonfiction from the University of King's College and teaches creative writing at Trent University. Adelle lives with her family in her hometown of Nogojiwanong (Peterborough), Ontario.