Desire - by Jay Stringer (Hardcover)

Book Synopsis

Have you ever wondered why chasing love, success, or pleasure feels like an unending struggle? Or why the things you want are always out of reach?

Drawing on a new study of 4,000 people, renowned therapist and award-winning author Jay Stringer reveals how desire--the most powerful and misunderstood force in our lives--shapes everything: who we love, what we chase, and the life we create.

"A master class in caring for the human spirit."--Will Guidara, New York Times bestselling author of Unreasonable Hospitality

Desire drives our search for intimacy, meaning, and joy, but it can also lead to shame, betrayal, and self-sabotage. Too often we are encouraged to silence it, distort it, or treat surface-level symptoms like loneliness, low desire, or porn use--without listening to what our longings are really telling us.

In Desire, Stringer shows how to decode those clues and transform your story. Drawing on unforgettable stories from his clinical practice--individuals and couples navigating everything from childhood scars to purity culture, professional exhaustion to sexual difficulties, codependency to self-doubt--he shows you how to ask the questions you've been avoiding and move toward the healing you didn't know how to seek.

This book doesn't offer quick fixes. Through deep compassion and research, it offers something far more powerful: the invitation to approach your desires with curiosity, so you can stop unhealthy patterns and begin building a life of connection, purpose, and love.

Review Quotes

"Jay Stringer brilliantly invites us to a well-researched, richly imagined, and compellingly written understanding of what he calls the inner civil war of competing desires. His scholarship and personal honesty will give you a new path to offer kindness to your soul and the conflicts that have beset you. I say with no fear of exaggeration--this will be one of the most important books you will read for knowing yourself and others."--Dan B. Allender, PhD, professor of counseling psychology, founding president of the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology

"A master class in caring for the human spirit, Desire turns the work of hospitality inward, changing how you understand love, purpose, and what it means to serve those around you, and yourself."--Will Guidara, New York Times bestselling author of Unreasonable Hospitality

"Jay Stringer wants to give you permission--permission to stop running; to stop trying so hard; to stop the self-criticism; and, most of all, to start desiring again. This book is a much-needed corrective to strategies that get you almost there--but never quite feeling free and healed. Desire has the immense power to actually help people change and grow. Take this invitation to excavate buried desires and move toward an authentic, whole, and integrated you!"--Sheila Wray Gregoire, founder of BareMarriagedotcom, author of The Great Sex Rescue

"We tend to treat desire as a problem to solve or a temptation to resist, but Jay Stringer's new book argues it's actually a signal--pointing us toward growth, wholeness, and connection. After reading Desire, you'll learn to understand what your heart is trying to say and how to work with desire rather than against it. It's insightful, healing, and genuinely helpful."--Donald Miller, New York Times bestselling author, CEO of StoryBrand and Business Made Simple

"If you've ever felt conflicted about what you want, about who taught you to want it, or why desire can feel like both a miracle and a minefield--Desire is the book you need. This book feels like sitting with a trusted friend who tells you the truth with kindness, inviting you toward compassion instead of shame."--Jen Hatmaker, New York Times bestselling author, host of the For the Love podcast

"Finally, a book that lays out a roadmap for you to understand your core desires, giving you a clear path and tools to build a life where your desires are satisfied and prioritized, instead of hidden and riddled with shame."--Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks and author of Men's Work

"Stringer offers his readers empathy, understanding, and, surprisingly, a demand that desire be taken seriously in all with which God has imbued it and imagines for us. Read this and begin to practice living what it means for God to give you the desires of your heart."--Curt Thompson, MD, psychiatrist, author of The Soul of Desire and The Deepest Place

About the Author

Jay Stringer is a licensed mental health counselor, researcher, and speaker who helps people uncover the unexpected meaning hidden in life's hardest challenges. He is the award-winning author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing and lives in New York City with his wife, Heather, and their two children.